Sunday, December 25, 2011

Moments from Christmas, 2011

Having a little child changes your perspective on the holidays. You start to realize that things have shifted drastically and now you get to create magic for your children instead of waiting for the magic to happen to you.

This wasn't our first Christmas as parents, but it was the first that our little guy was able to run around with family, enjoy new presents and have a lot of fun. It was the first that we sat in the living room assembling toys on Christmas Eve, hoping that the little guy was thrilled on Christmas morning. It was the first that we saw that look of wonder in his eye as we came down the stairs to see what Santa had left for him.

So now, it's all over. He had a great time. He got some really awesome presents, but more importantly, we made some really fantastic memories as a family. Ones that I hope stay with us forever. So even though my house is mess, I've gained ten pounds and I'm exhausted, I'm so very happy with everything in my world today.

Here are some of my favorite moments from the past two days. I hope everyone else had a magical day...we'll do it all again a year from now.

-Sitting in my father's TV room with my niece who is getting repeated calls from Santa on her little Barbie cell phone.

-Getting updates from my sister's Santa-tracker app as he crossed through Africa and Europe on his way to the States.

-Setting up my son's new toys and things as he slept upstairs, imagining his expression when we came down in the morning.

-My niece looking me in the eye as I fixed her hair, telling me, "I love when you brush my hair."

-Again, my niece looking me in the eye and saying, "You're my friend," as we read stories on her new Dora chair.

-My son deciding that the $2 ball we got as a stocking stuffer was the best toy of the holiday.

-My son and his little cousin running around after each other shouting at each in baby babble and giggling fiercely.

-My son, sound asleep after a long day.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Crib Sleeper!

So about two weeks ago, dear hubby decided it was time to move my boy into his crib. As we'd been going on a two or three week stretch of bad sleep, I wasn't at all opposed to the idea.

As long as we weren't letting him cry it out, I figured this would be good for all of us. The first night he slept for about four hours in the crib, then woke up wanting to nurse. I was about to go to bed myself, so I just brought him with me and called four hours a successful first night.

The second night, I was at work and he went down for hubby without a complaint, and again slept about four hours.

The third night, I cried my eyes out thinking about my big boy and imagining all the various ways he would pull away from me now that he's Mr. Independent Sleeper.

Fast forward to right now...we've had some rough spots and I have had to remind myself that so much of parenting is a one step forward, two step backward kind of process. He is right at this moment napping in the crib. He's been there for about an hour and I expect him to wake up at any moment.

He's only been napping about an hour at a stretch in the crib, so we are attempting to go back to two naps a day to get him the sleep he needs. I'm hoping that once we get naps back to a better and fuller schedule, nighttime sleep will follow and he'll start to see that there's nothing scary about the crib and he can sleep there all night.

In his 14 months of life, he's never once slept through the night, so I'm hoping that the time for that is coming. Of course, that will be the night that I get no sleep as I'll constantly be up to check on him.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

RIP Baby Duggar

So the news broke today that Michelle Duggar had a miscarriage. I really feel for her. I have friends who have miscarried and I understand that the feelings of loss are just as relevant as losing any other child.

I'm sure they will get dragged through the mud and there'll be lots of comments saying that God is trying to tell them enough already. That may be true, but I just want to say that I'm sad for their loss and I'm sure they are grieving.

I hope they are able to find peace and be content with the family they have.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Pumpkin Pancakes

A few weeks ago, I made these pumpkin puff pancakes. They were a lot of work, and in all honesty, they didn't even taste that great. A lot of work for pancakes that were only okay...not something I would do twice.

So today, I made these pancakes. I made a few changes to the recipe. They were much easier and very delicious...a total win and I will definitely make them again.

Here is the recipe I made:
1 cup flour
3/4 cup milk
1/2 cup pumpkin
2 tbsp brown sugar
1/4 tsp each allspice and ground cloves
1/2 tsp each cinnamon and nutmeg
1 tsp vanilla
2 tbsp vegetable oil
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
dash of salt
1 egg

Mix everything together and cook over medium heat.

I served them with cinnamon honey butter. I put one on the baby's high chair tray to lure him into the seat, and I turned around again about 10 seconds later and half the pancake was gone...shoved into his mouth. When I took the second half of it away, he acted like I was planning on starving him.

There were no leftovers :)

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Teething, Round Two

I don't know why I thought it would be easier.

Teething is teething, right? If I had a hard and sharp object pushing through my sweet virgin gums, it would hurt, right? Turns out, round two of teething sucks just as much as the first round.

I've heard people say things like, "I had no idea little Janie was teething. She just woke up one day with a tooth...she never complained at all." These people need to shut the f--- up. 'Cause I am here to tell you that when you know your child is teething, it flipping sucks.

There is the week or two before you realize that's what the problem is. That week of whiny, crabby behavior and bad nights of sleep. Then you realize the poor child has red, swollen gums and an angry hole in his gum. Now you have all that unpleasant behavior served up next to a side dish of mommy guilt for not realizing it sooner. But at least now you know that baby Motrin can come to the rescue for at least some of the problem. And a nice glass of wine can help some too.

Seven teeth in...thirteen to go.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

If the Batter's Good, the Cake Will Be Good...

I have two nephews. They are both brilliant and funny in totally unique different from each other as night and day.

One day, I had the younger one over to my house while his mother (my sister) was out. Little E. and I decided to bake cookies. He informed me that we had to lick the beaters, "cuz if the batter's good, the cookies will be good." So we each, very seriously and scientifically, tasted the cookie dough to make sure the cookies would be good.

Following his sage advice, I tasted the batter for the cake that I currently have in the oven. It was really against my better judgement too, because the thing has like six eggs in it. But oh my word...if LE's words are true, then this cake is going to be to die for. The batter was absolutely heavenly, and it was only my fear of salmonella that kept me from eating more of it.

I think the only thing that could make it better is the honey vanilla butter than I'm planning on making to spread on the cake and the pumpkin muffins I already made. It's Fall baked goods heaven.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Mommy Brain

So I've been trying to resurrect this blog because I like to have it as an outlet. I had been feeling like my recent posts were kind of blah and boring. The other day something hit me to write about...I said, oh yeah, that's a real parenting issue that I can write a good post about! So I filed it away in my mental filing cabinet.

My mental filing cabinet isn't exactly foolproof. I can't for the life of me remember what I was going to write about.

So here's my list, for myself, of things I'd like to write about soon:

1. Teething...It still sucks.
2. Milwaukee Co-Sleeping Ads...Stirring up unnecessary fears.
3. Nursing the Growing Baby...Adventures in acrobatics.
4. Co-sleeping with a Growing Baby...who does this bed belong to anyway?

That's it for now.

(PS...An example of mommy brain: I could have sworn I posted this before I went to bed last night--a day late and dollar short, I guess.)

Friday, November 18, 2011

Walking Man!

So my little guy is a little over 13 months old. He babbles away, he crawls with lightening speed, and now he can walk!

He started pushing to stand himself up earlier this week...he's been pulling up and cruising for a while now. And now he can officially stand on his own. He took a couple of wobbly steps the first couple of days and today he took five or six steps all together. Then he did a bunch more times today.

He's growing up so fast...sometimes I can't believe how fast it's going by.

Thursday, November 17, 2011's been a while

Going back to work has certainly put a damper on my blogging. It's so hard to manage work, housework and the baby, let alone adding in extras like this blog.

I do miss writing and updating the world on my little guy.

Here's the update...he's standing independently now, he's taken a couple steps here or there, but nothing consistent. He's also taken to being a pill in new and different ways. We've finally gotten our old sleep issues under control, but now he doesn't like to let me sit on the couch and veg out on the computer.

Anytime I open up the laptop, he's right on it like a bear on honey. He also gets mad when we don't let him stand up in the bathtub. And he thinks it's unreasonably unfair that we won't let him go up and down the stairs.

I'm going to try and make a commitment to write more. My very few fans will be so happy!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Marathon Mom

Yesterday I read a blog about a woman who ran a marathon at 39 weeks pregnant, then went into labor and delivered a healthy baby seven hours later.

Today I saw a segment on the Today Show about the woman. Matt Lauer and Ann Curry were questioning whether or not it was acceptable for this mom to have run the marathon so late in her pregnancy.

Here is a woman who is fit and healthy and ran with her doctor's blessing. She slowed to a walk whenever necessary and drank plenty of water and ate along the way.

Now obviously this isn't something every pregnant woman should do. But this woman was an experienced runner and had already run while pregnant with her first child and earlier in her current pregnancy. She was cleared by her doctor and ran with her and her child's health in mind. Maybe for once we can stop judging every little thing that other moms do and recognize that here is a healthy mom who takes care of her body and her baby, and celebrate her strength and endurance.

God knows she'll need that same strength and endurance to get through the newborn phase. And I bet she'll be back to her pre-pregnancy weight in no time...a claim I still can't make a year later.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Why I Love and Hate Milestones

One of the coolest things about being a parent is watching your child grow and learn. It's fascinating to watch the progression of this person from a helpless little thing who can do nothing but sleep, cry and poop (albeit, he was very good at two of those things) to this person who crawls and stands and says Mama and Dada.

The flip side of this is that meeting milestones messes with babies' sleep. Now from my older posts, it's clear that I don't do well when Jack doesn't sleep. I can handle a day or two of bad sleep, but when it starts to stretch into a week or two, I get a little stressed.

And then there's chasing after the boy during diaper changes. If I can get him to stay still long enough for a diaper change, forget changing his clothes or buttoning his onesie. That usually involves me crawling after him trying to line up buttons while he makes his escape.

All in all, I'm at the point I just want him to walk already so we can get this milestone under our belt and get back to a regular sleep routine.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

I'm Back

So it's been about a month since my last post. I actually thought it had been longer, so I have less blogger guilt now.

I do have some massive mommy guilt going on though.

While we were on vacation in South Carolina, my baby fell off the bed. Thankfully he landed on a pillow. Then two weeks later, he fell off the bed pillow that time. I felt terrible. I felt worse the second time because it was totally my fault. And my little guy ended up with a bruise over his eye.

Plus I'm back at work now. My mother and mother in law split babysitting until my husband gets home. Jack is great for his grandmothers, but he likes to hassle his father. It makes me so sad that he's upset at bedtime and I can't be here to comfort him.

My only comfort is that it's only two days a week. I try to tell myself that it will improve the daddy and son bond, and honestly, the baby doesn't seem too traumatized by any of it. I think it's hardest on me.

Either way, we don't have much choice...and the paycheck is nice.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Changes are a-coming...

Well, I've been failing as a blogger. I blame summer.

I'm not gonna lie, I've been enjoying lazy days at the beach, playing Word with Friends, visiting with friends and their babies, and the other joys of being a stay at home mom. My baby has finally gotten on a pretty decent nap and bedtime schedule, and I can usually count on a couple hours to myself over the course of the day.

So now that we've reached this blissful period of my life as a mom, it's all going to change.

I go back to work in a couple of weeks. I realize that I'm very lucky that I only have to work two days a week...but all the same, the transition is going to be tough.

My little guy and I have never spent more than two hours apart from one another and suddenly, I have to be away from him for six hours! It's hard to say who will cry more, me or him (or my husband, who will be charge of getting the baby to bed those two days).

One way or another, we'll get through.

Friday, August 5, 2011

WBW, Post 5

So I have to double post today because my little nursling didn't want to let go last night, so I never got a chance to blog about him...there's some kind of irony there.

I'm a very mild mannered person. I tend to take "to each her own" as a personal philosophy. I do believe that nursing is the best start in life we can give to our children, but I don't believe that nursing works out or is easy for everyone.

Because of that, I honestly believe that if you nurse your baby for one day, that's better than no days. Two days is better than one day; three better than two...and so on.

If you start to nurse and stop after a couple of days (and your reasons for stopping are totally your own), you can congratulate yourself on 1) making the effort to nurse and 2) giving your baby at least a few days of that liquid gold.

Women are very hard on one another, and I wish we could see the value in standing behind one another--even if we disagree with each other's choices--rather than tearing each other down.

WBW, Post 4

A picture is worth a thousand words...

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

WBW, Post 3

My little nursling is a curious creature. I love that he takes such an interest in his world. He loves to look at his cousins (or any kids, for that matter) and he likes to go outside and take in the world around him.

The only trouble is that taking in the world is, in his mind, something that can be done while he nurses. Mama disagrees.

Because of this basic disagreement between our worldviews, I often find myself alone while nursing. I don't like this for several reasons. First of all, I like to be around people too and as adorable as my little Button is, I sometimes like to talk to grown-ups. Second (and more importantly), I think it's important for other nursing moms to see women nursing in public (NIP, in Internet shorthand).

I'm lucky that I know a large and supportive network of nursing moms, most of whom have never batted an eye about NIP. Because of this, I've felt pretty comfortable nursing my little guy wherever and whenever he needs...something I wasn't expecting. I fully expected to use a cover in the name of my own modesty. But when it comes down to it, I expose very little of my anatomy when I NIP. I end up feeling much more conspicuous when I use something to cover us.

So my point is, I don't like that I have to hide away when I nurse, and I like for people to know that I don't do it out of a sense of modesty or from some sort of societal pressure. The truth is, if I don't nurse in a quiet, dim baby won't eat. And lord knows, this child needs to eat!

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

WBW, Post 2

I saw this through a friend on Facebook.

Dr. Suess for Nursing Moms

Would you nurse her in the park?
Would you nurse him in the dark?
Would you nurse him with a Boppy?
And when your boobs are feeling floppy?

I would nurse him in the park,
I would nurse her in the dark.
I’d nurse with or without a Boppy.
Floppy boobs will never stop me.

Can you nurse with your seat belt on?
Can you nurse from dusk till dawn?
Though she may pinch me, bite me, pull,
I will nurse her `till she’s full!

Can you nurse and make some soup?
Can you nurse and feed the group?
It makes her healthy strong and smart,
Mommy’s milk is the best start!

Would you nurse him at the game?
Would you nurse her in the rain?
In front of those who dare complain?
I would nurse him at the game.

I would nurse her in the rain.
As for those who protest lactation,
I have the perfect explanation.
Mommy’s milk is tailor made.
It’s the perfect food, you need no aid.

Some may scoff and some may wriggle,
Avert their eyes or even giggle.
To those who can be cruel and rude,
Remind them breast’s the perfect food!

I would never scoff or giggle,
Roll my eyes or even wiggle!
I would not be so crass or crude,
I KNOW that this milk’s the perfect food!

We make the amount we need
The perfect temp for every feed.
There’s no compare to milk from breast-
The perfect food, above the rest.

Those sweet nursing smiles are oh so sweet;
Mommy’s milk is such a treat.
Human milk just can’t be beat.

I will nurse, in any case,
On the street or in your face.
I will not let my baby cry,
I’ll meet her needs, I’ll always try.
It’s not about what’s good for you,
It’s best for babies, through and through.

I will nurse her in my home,
I will nurse her when I roam.
Leave me be lads and ma’am.
I will nurse her, Mom I am.

Monday, August 1, 2011

World Breastfeeding Week, Post 1

Today is the beginning of World Breastfeeding Week. I'm celebrating by changing my Facebook profile picture to a picture of me nursing my son (though I wish I had a better can barely tell I'm nursing in the one I have now).

My goal for the week is to post something nursing related every day this week.

Here's my first post...

Over the weekend, I went to a birthday party for a little girl. There were two new moms there. One was nursing and one was feeding her baby a combination of breastmilk and formula. Mom #2 said that she had low supply. When she said that, I bit my tongue.

As we left the party, I said to my husband...I wonder if people realize how few women really have low supply. It wasn't worth making a new mom feel bad or starting any kind of argument when I would likely never see that woman or her child again.

A lot of women don't realize that supplementing can often exacerbate a supply that is borderline. When a woman nurses, her body is given signals that she needs to make more milk. Every time your baby nurses, you are getting milk-making signals. It's a simple supply and demand...or demand and supply as it were. So when you supplement, you are getting fewer demands to make milk....which means your body will make less milk....thus further reducing a supply that may be on the low side.

This is a super simple reduction of a really complex system. is a great resource for nursing moms. There are also tons of websites and Facebook forums that can help a mom find answers to her breastfeeding questions.

Good luck mamas!

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Making Progress

So apparently full fat yogurt, cheese and bites of mama's ice cream have done the the trick. My little guy gained 7 ounces since our last doctor's visit two weeks ago. He's up to 16 lbs, 2 ozs. He's definitely small for his age, but the doctor was happy with that growth.

She said that any number of things could have caused the slow growth last time. Since his urine culture was negative for anything concerning, he's gained a good amount and he's alert and active, she doesn't feel the need to do blood work at this time. She does want us to see a nutritionist to talk about calories and that sort of thing. I said okay, but honestly, I don't see myself getting a whole lot out of it. Obviously, if I keep feeding him like I have been he'll keep gaining.

She also said that she will take a look at the breastfed baby chart. She said that the charts they use are for formula fed babies (which I knew, having scoped the "Enfamil" logo at the bottom of the chart at our last visit), and that she doesn't know why they don't use the breastfed charts for breastfed babies. Her suspicion is that on a BF baby chart, his growth will be perfectly normal.

I'm happy she realizes the difference and that she plans to check the appropriate chart, but I'm a little annoyed that it took her this long to mention it. Granted, our 9 month visit was the first time we'd seen this particular doctor in a while since she'd been out on her own maternity leave. I suspect BFing her own child has influenced her to be a little more proactive in that department. I think the other doctors in the practice (who we saw for our initial weight checks) might be a little more old school and while they are very pro-BFing, they don't seem to see the problem with using FF charts for BF babies.

All the same, we have another weight check in three weeks just to make sure that he continues packing on the ounces. That's fine with me because I really do want to rule out the possibility of any kind of digestive issue. I'll just make sure to keep seeing this particular doctor and leave the old dudes for some other mama.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Food Log Mulligan

I had the dubious pleasure of getting a urine sample from my little Button yesterday. He was rewarded for being a good sport by having some of mama's blizzard...good stuff.

Today, I dropped off his food log and the urine sample at the pediatrician's office. The good UTI or kidney issues. They are sending out the sample for a culture, but the quick dip test they did came back clean.

I had thought that my food log was complete and pretty thorough, but apparently, I was wrong. The doctor wants me to be more precise in the amounts he's eating. In other words, I have to count cheerios and ounces of yogurt.

The good news from my perspective is that he looks fatter already. I've always noticed that his arms look really skinny, and I swear they look a little pudgier already.

Full fat yogurt, buttered cheese toast and ice cream...yum. I know lots of people who wish they were on this kid's diet.

Monday, July 18, 2011

It's the Little Things

Yesterday we had blueberry pancakes for dinner. I've been feeling tired and stressed, so my darling hubby did most of the real work. I haven't been buying pancake mix because they are so easy to make from scratch, so I rattled off the recipe while Hubby combined ingredients.

Just as the first pancake hit the pan, he said, "Do we have syrup?" We had used the last of it last week...on another pancake for dinner night (we're big on brinner). He said, "Do you want to go and get some or do you want to stay here and cook?" I looked at the baby, who was munching on cheerios in his high chair, smiled, and said, "I'll go."

Suddenly the idea of five minutes to myself was intoxicating. I seriously considered cruising around town with the windows down and the music blaring. But I hate when my dinner gets cold, so I settled on getting my errand done and returning home...being responsible blows.

Luckily, Cumberland Farms doesn't sell syrup, so I had to go to the ghetto grocery store down the street. I bought a bottle of "buttery flavored syrup" (no organic anything there, let alone real maple syrup) for 99 cents and got the hell out of there. But not before seeing a sign on the exit door that read: "Have you seen our carts? If so, please let us know."

Friday, July 15, 2011

Here we go again...

So we had our 9 month well-baby check up today. Here's the good baby boy is happy, healthy and thriving. He's personable and smiles at all the nurses and staff. He's something of a flirt, really. He's meeting his milestones and seems relatively smart. I'm not saying I've got the next Einstein here, but I'm pretty sure he's no dope either.

So here's the bad news...he only gained an ounce since our last visit three weeks ago. He is up to 15 lbs, 11 ozs., and we are back to weight checks. I don't know what is going on with this child, but he cannot seem to gain a significant amount of weight.

At our last weight check, we breathed a sigh of relief and I assumed all this was behind us. That's what I get for assuming.

The doctor isn't super worried, and because he's so healthy, active and happy, I'm not too worried either. But, that doesn't mean I'm going to bury my head in the sand and just hope that there isn't something more going on. So now I get to collect a urine sample for some tests, keep a food log to track calories, and go back for another weight check in two weeks. After that we'll reassess and do bloodwork if necessary.

Part of me almost wishes it were something as simple as low breastmilk supply at this point. If it were that, then I'd know that there is nothing wrong with my baby and there would be a simple solution.

But as it is, we are left to wonder. I'm going to try to wonder only and not wonder and worry, but it's a tough line to walk.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

The Third of July

Last week we went to the Connecticut shore as part of our Fourth of July celebration. My father-in-law rents a house every year so we go down to spend a day and celebrate the holiday. These past three years have been an interesting progression.

Three years ago, we went and talked about our upcoming "vacation." No one knew that our secret glances weren't just in excitement and anticipation of relaxing in the Caribbean. The truth was that we were secretly planning a wedding.

Last year, we all enjoyed the anticipation of my growing belly and all the changes that the baby would bring. We wondered if it was a boy or a girl and when he would make his appearance.

This year, the baby was the star of the show. He happily babbled and bounced his way into everyone's heart. We heard time after time how sweet and cute he is (we agree).

When nap-time rolled around, I took the little Button up to the third floor of the house to lay him down on my father-in-law and his girlfriend's bed. The house is old and huge; the ceiling is peaked and the wooden rafters made it feel like we were resting in an attic. The ocean breeze and the sound of waves lapping at the shore floated in through the open windows. The day was hot but the breeze was pleasant and someone somewhere was playing a ukulele.

My sweet baby was sound asleep and peaceful next me. It was one of those moments that a woman dreams about when she strokes her pregnant belly and wonders what's coming was, in a word, perfect.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Real Diapers!

We celebrated our Fourth of July on the third of July this year. We went down to the Connecticut shore to hang out with my father in law, his girlfriend and a lot of her family. As I changed the little Button's diaper, her brother in law sat in a nearby chair and saw me take off a prefold and cover and put a pocket diaper on the little guy.

The brother-in-law said, "Oh you use real diapers!"

I loved that he called them "real" diapers, as opposed to fake disposable diapers!*

Then later on, I changed Button again, and another extended family member saw me taking off an all-in-one and was fascinated with modern cloth diapers.

These are people who are more likely to have grandchildren than children at this point in their lives, but it was so nice to see their interest and support for cloth. I see many people online complaining that their family members think cloth is weird or gross and have no problem sharing that opinion with the world.

I use cloth because I think that they are better for the environment and for my baby, so it was encouraging to introduce new people to the world of cloth diapers and see that people can be supportive instead of derisive.

*I don't judge sposie users. We use them at night because I hate middle of the night diaper changes and I can usually go all night with the little guy in disposable.

Monday, June 27, 2011

No pictures please!

So I just read a rather disturbing post on Peaceful Parenting. It literally took my breath away and left me feeling absolutely nauseated. It's not that I didn't know there are serious sickos in the world. I'm not naive or stupid. But sometimes you need a wake up call.

If people will do sick and twisted things to their own child, who knows what pervert could get an image off of this blog and sexualize images of me or my son.

So from now on, I'll be using random pictures from the internet. I took all the pictures off previous posts and my little button and I will be incognito from now on.

So here is my reminder to all of you. I love the internet, but we're never alone out here in cyberspace. Please keep yourself and your loved ones safe from internet and real life predators. This site felt safe and innocent to me...but I can never be sure who might be paying attention.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Enjoy it while it lasts...

My time as a stay at home mom is winding down. I knew from the beginning that I only had 10 months to be home with my little guy. Part of me hoped all the while that my husband would get some fantastic raise and our situation would change, but unfortunately that's not the case. It's not that I don't like my job, I do, but I like my baby A LOT more.

So today, I went to the college library to get some books and do a little research for the fall semester. I left the boy with his father, and went to do a little reading. I was only gone for about an hour and a half. When I got home, they were sitting on the front steps waiting for me.

I started walking toward them, saying hi to the boy, and I realized my ear piece for my phone was wrapped around my foot, so I turned to throw it back in the car. When I turned back around, Button's smile had turned into serious tears...the closed eyes, open mouthed, noiseless cry. It broke my was slightly amusing since I wasn't actually going anywhere and I could swoop right in and pick him up. But the guilt was immediate all the same.

Not too much later, I put him down for his afternoon nap. We laid together nursing; I was feeling pretty sleepy myself. And all I could think was, I don't want to leave him. I let myself fall asleep with him...when I woke back up, I held him close, thinking about how little time I have left to just relax and enjoy him. Summer will go too fast, I think.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011


So we had yet another weight check today. My little guy is up to 15 lbs, 10 ozs. He gained exactly 1 pound between visits...the doctors were happy with that, which means they are off my back about it, which means I'm happy about it!

The concern was that he had dropped from the 25th percentile to below the 5th between his 4 month and 6 month well baby checkups. So the doctor showed me the chart today and explained that he wanted to make sure that Button's trajectory was consistent rather than continuing to go down, and it's now consistently the 5th percentile, so basically my little guy has set himself a new growth pattern.

I have to say, I don't love this particular doctor. He has a tendency to ask a question and then keep talking so that I can't answer, or he'll only listen to part of something I say and I can see that he's reacting before I've finished talking so that he's not actually listening to me anymore.

I do like the other two doctors and the physician's assistant though, so I think I will stick it out with these guys unless they do something to make me angry.

Anyway, they are finally convinced that he is growing just fine and that part of the reason he's thin is that he's so active (they seem to be completely ignoring the genetic factor). Maybe it's good that Button has been on a bit of a feeding frenzy lately...he probably gained most of that weight in the past 3 or 4 days!

29 Diapers Giveaway

29 Diapers (a much bigger blog than my little one here) is hosting a natural sunscreen giveaway from Sweetbottoms Baby.

The sunscreen is Loving here to read the review and enter the giveaway.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Why I Love the Duggars

I am a big fan of the TLC show 19 Kids and Counting. I realize that a lot of people dislike the Duggars because of the large size of their family, among other reasons. I'm not here to attempt to change anyone's minds about the Duggars or people of their faith (which I think is the Church of the Latter Day Saints...I'm not even going to pretend to know what that is all about). I just thought I would come on here and say what I like about them.

1. They are completely self-sufficient. Even with such a large family, they take care of themselves. They are debt-free and do not use any government assistance. I know a lot of small families (mine included) that can't say that.

2. They have a strong faith and they use it to teach values to their children. Their children are all respectful, polite and intelligent. Again, I know lots of people who can't say this.

3. Michelle Duggar is perhaps the most patient person in the world. She speaks softly and her children listen to her! She never seems to lose her temper or get annoyed. Again, I have one child, and he is a baby, and I can't say that!

4. They just seem like really sweet, hardworking people.

So you don't have to like the Duggars and you can question their faith all you want, but keep in mind that they are good, family people who (in spite of their public profile) only want to raise their children in peace and with dignity.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

On another note...

So I realized the other day that most of my posts are negative. I guess I've been treating this blog as a place to vent (hopefully somewhat humorously) about the tougher side of having a baby.

But recently I've been reading some really sad message boards and blogs. Things that parents don't ever want to think about.

I read one post on the other day that was so heart-wrenching, I shut the computer as fast as I could and practically ran upstairs to snuggle with my little guy.

And of course, assuming the world doesn't end before then, someday my little guy will be older and will be able to read and will see these posts.

So here is my positive baby is the sweetest, cutest, funniest little person I know. He rocks my world day and night and every day I remind myself that I am supremely lucky and thank God for bringing him into my life.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Ode to Advil

Okay, not a real ode...I've never been too poetically inclined. But I am here to express my love for infant Advil.

Today dawned bright and early with the smile of my darling son beaming up at me at 5:30 in the morning. I said, "Here, my child, have mommy's milk and sleep some more." He said, "Screw you and your milk, let's get up and play." I then spent half an hour trying to sleep while being kicked in the ribs and punched in the face. So I said, if I have to be awake, I must drink coffee.

Fast forward two hours and I am on the couch nursing my sleeping child. I thought, "Well, I'm stuck here and bored, but at least he's going to take a nice nap, that's all that matters." Half an hour later, he was awake.

So I thought, it's a beautiful day, let's a take walk. He announced to the entire neighborhood that walks are stupid and that he hates me.

Come back home, go lay down upstairs...nurse my child, he sleeps...for half an f-ing hour.


Finally, I think to myself. My baby is trying to grow his top teeth, he must be in pain. Let me give him some medicine (dear sweet stain-free white grape infant Advil). He's been asleep for over two hours now.

Thank the lord for Advil.

(FYI, I have no affiliations with or endorsements from whatever company makes Advil...all I know is I want them to keep making it.)

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Mommy Guilt

So after the past week of poor sleep, I went out and got a library card today so I could check out every book on infant sleep I could find. This involved swallowing my fear that the library police would discover that I took books out 15 years ago and never returned them.

I came home with Dr. Sears's Night-time Parenting, Dr. Karp's The Happiest Baby on the Block, Tracey Hogg's Secrets of the Baby Whisperer, and a couple others. I've started the first two, and I'm hoping I have time to read and digest them all in a relatively short period of time.

I realize that a good deal of our current sleeplessness is due to teething, but as previous posts illustrate, my little Button has been a poor sleeper since birth, and I'd really like to make some attempt at helping him sleep better for his own good.

So the mommy guilt came in tonight as I was nursing him to sleep and reading the Dr. Sears book. Dr. Sears (for those of you who don't know) preaches attachment parenting. I consider myself a semi-attachment parent. I don't let my baby cry it out, I wear him as much as he will tolerate (so not much), and I co-sleep (though I was against it initially). Maybe it's just my dislike for labels, but I can't seem to fully identify myself as any particular type of parent, attachment or otherwise.

Anyway, as I was laying there, I suddenly had this overwhelming sense that last night and the whole rest of the week, my poor little man has been in incredible pain as these top two teeth try to push their way through his sweet little gums. I felt so terrible that I lose my patience and get so angry--and downright mean.

Of course, I can't go back in time and check my temper. I can't undo the swearing under my breath, the slamming of doors, the angrily grabbing things to take with me. But I can try to remember this next time. Babies cry for a reason. My baby is hurting and even though I'm exhausted and stressed, I need to keep my head and check my temper.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Snooze Cruise

I was recently livid. By recently, I mean about 45 minutes ago. I clicked my baby into the car seat, backed out of my driveway, and practically peeled away from my house...muttering all sorts of foul-mouthed oaths under my breath the whole time. But a funny thing happens once your child falls asleep...all that anger fades (slowly, this time, but it's fading all the same). I'd say I'm downgraded from livid to irritated.

My husband is out for the evening, which is fine. He doesn't go out much and he's such a great dad, I don't begrudge him the occasional evening out, especially since "out" for him involves sitting around at a friend's house playing video games or watching movies.

My little guy normally nurses to sleep around 7 every evening; I'm not saying it goes perfectly every evening, but typically, at some point in the 7 o'clock hour, my child sleeps. When hubby is out, I usually don't stress about bedtime too much and as a result things go pretty smoothly.

While most bedtimes are far from perfect, this past week has been hell. We got off track with the holiday weekend, and I've spent the rest of the week trying to undo the damage...easier said than done.

Last night was our best night; he nursed in bed and fell asleep around 8:30...tonight has been the worst. He fell asleep nursing around 7; I stupidly breathed a sigh of relief. Twenty minutes later, guess who was awake? He seemed relatively happy, so I figured, what the heck? and brought him down to the living room. His happiness lasted about 5 minutes. After that, he cried whether he was sitting on the floor with his toys, sitting in my lap, playing on the bed, snuggled up with me on the bed...he cried...cried tears all the time, no matter what. This was about when I switched gears from irritated/annoyed to so pissed I became a public nuisance.

Once we took off in the Jeep, he was out like a light. A twenty minute drive on which I cooled down while pondering my favorite type of chips, my baby fell asleep and I realized I need new glasses.