So after the past week of poor sleep, I went out and got a library card today so I could check out every book on infant sleep I could find. This involved swallowing my fear that the library police would discover that I took books out 15 years ago and never returned them.
I came home with Dr. Sears's Night-time Parenting, Dr. Karp's The Happiest Baby on the Block, Tracey Hogg's Secrets of the Baby Whisperer, and a couple others. I've started the first two, and I'm hoping I have time to read and digest them all in a relatively short period of time.
I realize that a good deal of our current sleeplessness is due to teething, but as previous posts illustrate, my little Button has been a poor sleeper since birth, and I'd really like to make some attempt at helping him sleep better for his own good.
So the mommy guilt came in tonight as I was nursing him to sleep and reading the Dr. Sears book. Dr. Sears (for those of you who don't know) preaches attachment parenting. I consider myself a semi-attachment parent. I don't let my baby cry it out, I wear him as much as he will tolerate (so not much), and I co-sleep (though I was against it initially). Maybe it's just my dislike for labels, but I can't seem to fully identify myself as any particular type of parent, attachment or otherwise.
Anyway, as I was laying there, I suddenly had this overwhelming sense that last night and the whole rest of the week, my poor little man has been in incredible pain as these top two teeth try to push their way through his sweet little gums. I felt so terrible that I lose my patience and get so angry--and downright mean.
Of course, I can't go back in time and check my temper. I can't undo the swearing under my breath, the slamming of doors, the angrily grabbing things to take with me. But I can try to remember this next time. Babies cry for a reason. My baby is hurting and even though I'm exhausted and stressed, I need to keep my head and check my temper.