Saturday, June 30, 2012

Failing at Everything

Do you ever get that feeling that nothing you do is ever good enough? Nothing is right, and you are a complete failure at everything? Like the opposite of King Midas...everything I touch turns to shit.

Ever since we've been home from vacation, my dear sweet little one has been a raging brat at bedtime. Now, he's never been a good sleeper, something I've never tried to hide. But we were getting into a routine, and he slept great all vacation.

When we got back, I started a new routine where I would nurse him until he was really sleepy, then lay him down in his crib and hold his hand until he fell asleep. For a week or two, it worked beautifully. The plan was to lay him down a little more awake each night, and then gradually withdraw my presence so that he would start to fall asleep on his own.

It is so far from working, it's not even funny.

Now he won't nurse to sleep. He pops off after a minute, asks to be laid in his crib, then about three minutes later asks to nurse again. At that point, my options are to say yes and nurse and then repeat the process for the next hour. Or say no, have him have a hysterical fit, and eventually either cave and nurse him to sleep or have my husband come in and be the tough guy.

Both options suck in my opinion. After having some hope that we were making progress, I now feel worse about this kid's sleep than I ever have before.

So much so that after he finally got to sleep tonight, I had my own crying fit.

I know I haven't been super consistent with his sleep routine, but that's because every time I start to get into a pattern, he changes the way he reacts to it and it becomes pointless.

Frankly at the moment, I'm too tired to give one little rat's ass what anyone thinks about me or my parenting. Attachment, cry-it-out, somewhere in the middle, I don't care...someone just tell me how to get this kid to sleep.

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