Enjoy it while it lasts...

My time as a stay at home mom is winding down. I knew from the beginning that I only had 10 months to be home with my little guy. Part of me hoped all the while that my husband would get some fantastic raise and our situation would change, but unfortunately that's not the case. It's not that I don't like my job, I do, but I like my baby A LOT more.

So today, I went to the college library to get some books and do a little research for the fall semester. I left the boy with his father, and went to do a little reading. I was only gone for about an hour and a half. When I got home, they were sitting on the front steps waiting for me.

I started walking toward them, saying hi to the boy, and I realized my ear piece for my phone was wrapped around my foot, so I turned to throw it back in the car. When I turned back around, Button's smile had turned into serious tears...the closed eyes, open mouthed, noiseless cry. It broke my heart...it was slightly amusing since I wasn't actually going anywhere and I could swoop right in and pick him up. But the guilt was immediate all the same.

Not too much later, I put him down for his afternoon nap. We laid together nursing; I was feeling pretty sleepy myself. And all I could think was, I don't want to leave him. I let myself fall asleep with him...when I woke back up, I held him close, thinking about how little time I have left to just relax and enjoy him. Summer will go too fast, I think.